A talk with Steve Worley
by Alan Smithee

Q: People were really impressed with Gaffer when it was released in 1997. Why did it take so long to release this next product?

A: Oh, probably because I'm a perfectionist. I kept adding new features to the plugins. I'd think of a new plugin concept, and it was so cool I just had to add it to the package. So the package went from 5 plugins, to 10, to 16, and finally to over 20. I want to release the highest quality tools. I am eager for people to get my plugins and just sit there dumbfounded in shock because these there are so many really great tools in this one product.

Q: You want to shock your users with the software's quality?

A: Well, I don't want them to proceed all the way to violent seizures. A mild catatonia is about what I'm after.

Q: Heh. Now, your Gaffer software was...

A: Thinking about it, catatonia probably isn't a software feature most people look for. Maybe I shouldn't stress that, or we'd need a warning on the software package.

Q: Right. Now, your Gaffer software that was released...

A: Something like "We take no responsibility for the mental effects this software may have on its users." We'd probably need to recommend that pregnant women or people with heart trouble not attempt to use the tools.

Q: Uh...

A: Hmm, what about the web site? It has so many examples of Polk in action that people may realize how good this tool is just by web browsing. Would we be liable for driving people into a frenzy after they watch all those cool animations? When they are bowled over, would we be sued from any injury they received as they fell out of their chair?

Q: I'm sure I wouldn't know about that. But back to Gaffer, when you released...

A: Maybe we should cover ourselves and change all the web page to show only blurry low res animations using just 16 colors. That'd hide any real high-quality content, and we'd be safe from litigation.

Q: You can't be serious in thinking you'll get in trouble because your tools are well written?

A: Well, it can happen. Gaffer's photoreal shading was so good it caused all kinds of trouble. There was that Hollywood animator who made some 3D renderings of cars using Gaffer. They were so photoreal, the producers didn't believe they were really CG. The animator was accused of faking the shots with a camcorder and was fired. He's working as a pool supply salesman now.

Q: That really happened?

A: Well, not really. But it could have. I think.

Best known for teasing imaginary interviewers, Steve Worley is also the main architect of the James K Polk plugin collection.